My holiday respite from work is turning out nicely - I've been off since the 24th, and won't be returning until January 4th of the new year. Falling into a similar pattern as my last stay-cation, I have devoured a few books - the fictional Inamorata (which I highly recommend) but also Bart D. Ehrman's Jesus, Interrupted: Revealing the Hidden Contradictions in the Bible (And Why We Don't Know About Them). I've had a handful of Ehrman's books on my wishlist at Amazon, but finally picked this up this week, along with his Lost Scriptures: Books that Did Not Make it Into the New Testament. I like to think of myself of a "new believer," which isn't entirely accurate, as I always "believed" but until now it was very passive - "Yes, I believe in God. What's for dinner?" It wasn't something I actively participated in, and isn't something that I steadfastly participate in daily - I've mentioned my hope for the continued discipline and motivation to maintain my Christianity. My collection of literature over the past few months continues to grow, and Ehrman's assertions, especially after Strobel's A Case for Faith, were particularly interesting.
If you've never read anything by Ehrman, I would highly recommend it - he is a New Testament scholar at UNC-Chapel Hill and essentially posits, in short, that the Bible is not the inerrant word of God. Shocking enough, I would imagine, if you're a "conservative" Christian, but shocking to someone like me who considers myself to be fairly "liberal" (I put both of these in quotations to mock how truly silly these distinctions are). I was prepared for the inerrancy argument, which I already agreed with, but I was not prepared to learn that some of the books I had recently read may not actually have been written by their supposed authors. Ehrman, along with other historical scholars, assert that there are only a handful of New Testament books that were truly penned by their supposed authors - AND did you know there are discrepancies in the New Testament? WHAT?!
Perhaps my pride in having finished almost all of the 27 New Testament books was premature, as I failed to notice the discrepancies between some of them - take for example the genealogies of Jesus in Matthew and Luke. Ehrman suggests that in addition to reading the Bible in a devotional way, that we should also read it with a historical-critical approach - it is by reading the Bible in this latter way, by comparing accounts in each of the gospels to one another versus taking them singularly, that we see the discrepancies. After completing his book, I went on my own self-directed scavenger hunt, listing out both genealogies to compare the two lists - lo and behold they are different. Considering how many human hands and minds have transcribed and passed along the New Testament, it doesn't necessarily bother me to know that there are human errors - of course there are. Instead, I went through and tried to research the common names among both lists, which sent me chasing after a white rabbit down a hole -
After pulling myself out of the mess, it occurred to me that I'm not sure that I care about the errors - of course there are errors - God's "word" was left in the hand of man and we are messy. In all honesty, to deny this fact seems a bit unintelligent to me - it's the same as looking logic in the face and simply choosing not to agree. Ah - choices - that word keeps creeping in to my mind - we can choose to believe what we want about the Bible's accuracy: we can research, read, pray, talk to others, go to church, etc. We can choose to deny how Christianity was formed and how the canon as we know it was formed and pretend as if we didn't have a role in muddying it. Or we can choose to acknowledge that perhaps just as our current Bible is a human creation, and just as Christianity is a human creation, perhaps God is as well.
Yes - I said it. And here is where our hearts and souls must rest of faith - I'm starting to hate that word. Ehrman acknowledges in the book multiple times, surely due to an exorbitant amount of scrutiny, that he didn't leave the faith due to his historical research, but due to his inability to marry all the suffering in the world with a loving and just God. Christian apologists have arguments for this - read A Case for Faith if you don't believe me - but what a real argument: how on earth are we to maintain faith when we take a look outside? I know of people who have very happy lives, very successful, have everything they want and then some, and have tremendous faith - perhaps it's easy when things are going your way and life is handing you chocolates. But when you're faced with disappointments, death, illness - are we just to have "more faith"?
What really irritates me about Christianity is how we all love to go to church, sing hymns, pray with our heads bowed faithfully and then we leave, taking no responsibility to take this into the world. I'm not talking about "converting" or "saving" people (if I hear one more person insist on "saving" someone I will scream), I'm talking about helping those in need - feeding the hungry, clothing the poor, educating the uneducated. Jesus, our humanitarian savior, would be deeply disappointed by our barely-there attempts of helping others - our everyday explosions of how great God is to us. The truth is that millions of people are suffering and us Christians aren't doing a thing about it.
Faith - I hate that word.
Thursday, December 30, 2010
Monday, November 29, 2010
Life is the Sum of All Our Choices
This Thanksgiving was really lovely - we hosted my mother and stepfather and in lieu of a traditional turkey, served king crab legs - yum. The only thing better was having five days off to do nothing...except read. Earlier this year I was barely making time to read my Bible but luckily sometime in October things started to click, and since then I have been engaged daily with God - either through reading the Bible, studying the Bible (see last post to understand the difference), journaling, reading Christian living texts, or simply tuning into 620 AM for Adrien Rogers' sermons during my afternoon commute. The five days during this Thanksgiving, however, were extremely fruitful - I had oodles of time to devour my Bible, and have almost completed the New Testament. I also purchased and completed Lee Strobel's A Case for Faith. All of this reading, and even more mental processing has led me to a few very important conclusions about the journey I've begun -
1. Faith is a CHOICE: The following quote stopped me in my tracks while reading A Case for Faith:
I know that for a long time I believed myself to be a Christian based on how I was raised, or what my parents thought or what I thought at any particular moment, but the truth remains that we make a choice daily to have faith. It's an active process - we don't sit idly and wait for it. Rather we grab it by the horns and continue on the journey. What I like more about this implication (and you can purchase the book if you'd like to read it further) is that this is God's way of respecting us - he has offered us something incredibly amazing, but we can choose. We choose to accept Jesus Christ, or we choose to deny him. It is that simple.
2. The choice is DIFFICULT: Choosing a life with God isn't passive. It requires a lifelong commitment which manifests itself in everyday actions - not only hearing the word, but doing the word. This might sum up why my Life Application Bible once seemed so daunting - we're expected to apply the Scripture to our lives and live accordingly! It would be so much easier if I could just proclaim, "I believe in God!" and be done - but we are called to do more. We are called to hear the word and live it - action is what is important. "For it is not the hearers of the law who are righteous before God, but the doers of the law who will be justified" (Rom. 2:13). To be more specific, Romans 12: 9-21 mentions the following: "Abhor what is evil; hold fast to what is good. Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor. Do not be slothful in zeal, be fervent in spirit, serve the Lord. Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer." And continues: "Bless those who persecute you; bless them and do not curse them. [...] Repay no one evil for evil, but give thought to do what is honorable in the sight of all." I don't know about you, but these are difficult tasks for me - and therefore without quoting innumerable other passages from Scripture, you begin to see just how active this choice is - luckily we can prayerfully ask God to guide and support us in our journey, and thankfully he forgives our missteps.
3. Doubt is NORMAL: I was relieved to read the following from A Case for Faith and even wrote it down to use as a bookmark in my Bible:
1. Faith is a CHOICE: The following quote stopped me in my tracks while reading A Case for Faith:
"Consequently, at its core, faith is a decision of the will that we keep on making, but we're given that
option by God's grace. We're empowered to keep making it by His spirit."
2. The choice is DIFFICULT: Choosing a life with God isn't passive. It requires a lifelong commitment which manifests itself in everyday actions - not only hearing the word, but doing the word. This might sum up why my Life Application Bible once seemed so daunting - we're expected to apply the Scripture to our lives and live accordingly! It would be so much easier if I could just proclaim, "I believe in God!" and be done - but we are called to do more. We are called to hear the word and live it - action is what is important. "For it is not the hearers of the law who are righteous before God, but the doers of the law who will be justified" (Rom. 2:13). To be more specific, Romans 12: 9-21 mentions the following: "Abhor what is evil; hold fast to what is good. Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor. Do not be slothful in zeal, be fervent in spirit, serve the Lord. Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer." And continues: "Bless those who persecute you; bless them and do not curse them. [...] Repay no one evil for evil, but give thought to do what is honorable in the sight of all." I don't know about you, but these are difficult tasks for me - and therefore without quoting innumerable other passages from Scripture, you begin to see just how active this choice is - luckily we can prayerfully ask God to guide and support us in our journey, and thankfully he forgives our missteps.
3. Doubt is NORMAL: I was relieved to read the following from A Case for Faith and even wrote it down to use as a bookmark in my Bible:
"Those who believe they believe in God but without passion in the heart, without anguish of the mind, without uncertainty, without doubt, and even at times without despair, believe only in the idea of God, and not in God himself."
- Madeleine L'Engle
Reading this truly was comforting- I hear about so many people who believe that reason and faith cannot walk together - I believe they can. I can research, read, question, deliberate, process, pray, write and come to my own conclusions. After all, we're never promised answers to all of our questions, but we are given a fair amount of information on which to base our choice - I have been comforted by far too many Scripture passages to quote, from Titus to John to Paul's letters. I am reminded daily that this process is not one of silent submission, but an intellectual and emotional journey - and God has given us the mind and heart to engage it fully. He has designed us to engage in the discovery of His glory - while I still don't fully understand it, I do have a renewed respect for our Creator and his brilliant design.
I have a quote on my desk organizer, written on a fuscia Post-It from Albert Camus: "Life is the sum of all our choices." Unbeknownst to me until recently, Camus was an aetheist. I found this quote in my planner pages and loved its honesty - I actually use it a lot with my clients in hopes that they will see that their choices formed their action or their lack of action, and therefore created their current circumstances. It quite beautifully sums up our experiences - we make choices that impact every other aspect of our lives. Camus was right: our choice now determines our lives in the present and in the future. We can choose to accept Jesus, or to simply deny him. Both will have consequences - reap the benefits of all that God has promised, or live in complete separation from him. How ironic that an aetheist would succinctly sum up the whole point of God - "Here are your options. Choose wisely."
Thursday, November 18, 2010
The Bible - A Case of Multiple Personalities
In my first post I listed the "tools" I had gathered for this journey I've started - I have since added quite a few more. Lifeway and Cedar Springs should really add me as a preferred shopper, and http://www.christianbook.com/ should really send me coupons. Almost a year ago I purchased the NIV Life Application Study Bible and even bought one for Chris for Christmas. I think I mentioned how this 4-pounder sat on my nightstand collecting dust. A google search for "Bibles" turned up hundreds of sites and pretty soon I was introduced to the plethora of other options - different translations, different types, different covers (leather, metal, waterproof plastic!). All of these options made my head spin almost as much as discovering Jonah - in the midst of this research I added the NIV Quest Study Bible to my collection. The reviews were pretty positive for "new" believers as we've been coined, as it provides answers to a multitude of "simple questions" about the Bible. Since I'm a huge fan of color coding, I also found some marking pens and highlighters.
Soon after this I stumbled across The Message by Eugene Peterson - I had purchased the Solo devotional last year but only recently realized that the Bible verses printed therein were from The Message. This tweaked my curiosity - a paraphrase of the Bible! A part of me immediately felt as though this version wasn't really a true version, and I really resisted even looking at The Message for at least three weeks. A coupon from Cedar Springs convinced me otherwise, and a few weeks ago I purchased one - awful I know. One scan of the pages and I was hooked: the Bible suddenly came to life in a novelistic way - action and drama and so much energy that had kept me from reading my dusty, super-informed NIV. During that same trip, I also found Dig Deeper by Beynon and Sach, a book of tools for unraveling and studying the word of God. Through a handful of tools, they teach you how to deconstruct the passages for yourself, not really for interpretation or application, but for study of what is actually being said and why. They also mentioned using a more literal translation for actual Bible study which perhaps should be different than devotional or personal reading.
Enter the ESV - don't worry, I had another coupon. This is where my Bible reading has gotten difficult - it's so easy to passively read through The Message with a cup of tea and enjoy the story as you would any other work of fiction. But deconstructing the words within the verses within the chapters within the books is hard. Chris made a comment that you could spend an entire lifetime just studying the Bible - I didn't understand until now. Not only is this task hard, but it is exhausting - What does this verse say? Why was it written? What is the genre? Tone? Is there repetition in words used? What is the historical meaning of this word? Put all that in your pipe and smoke it. I can't even remember what book I read that first night with my ESV, but I do know that it is marked with a rainbow of colors - repeated words, repeated messages, allusions to future events or other books, etc.
Whew - last night I reopened my original Life Application Bible. What was once exhausting pales in comparison to an actual study of the fairly literal translation of the ESV. They aren't extremely different, and I made sure to compare the NIV to the ESV, but the differences only opened up a new can of worms and questions. I have concluded (even though my research hasn't ended) that perhaps none of this matters. There are many books on which translation is best, which to use or purchase (believe me, I've researched them), and I'm sure MANY people have their own opinion about which Bible is the "true" or "best" or "real" version. And that's all really great. Good for them. For me, I just keep praying for the discipline and strength to keep this daily time with God up. At the end of the day, I'm not sure (at least not yet anyway) that it matters which Bible you're reading but simply that you're taking the time to read one. That's really the hard part - setting aside the time everyday after a long day at work, family obligations, the daily routine of life - setting aside the time to be still and to listen. I like to think that God delights in this time that we devote to him, no matter which version we're reading.
I'm sure I'll add a few other versions to my collection, along with reference materials and other books, but for now, I let my day and my mood decide for me. Am I feeling inquisitive? Then I grab the Life Application and the Quest study Bibles. Am I feeling daring and bold? Then I study the ESV. Do I just need to unwind after a long day and read? Then I reach for The Message. They all contribute to my time with God - and that's really the whole point.
Soon after this I stumbled across The Message by Eugene Peterson - I had purchased the Solo devotional last year but only recently realized that the Bible verses printed therein were from The Message. This tweaked my curiosity - a paraphrase of the Bible! A part of me immediately felt as though this version wasn't really a true version, and I really resisted even looking at The Message for at least three weeks. A coupon from Cedar Springs convinced me otherwise, and a few weeks ago I purchased one - awful I know. One scan of the pages and I was hooked: the Bible suddenly came to life in a novelistic way - action and drama and so much energy that had kept me from reading my dusty, super-informed NIV. During that same trip, I also found Dig Deeper by Beynon and Sach, a book of tools for unraveling and studying the word of God. Through a handful of tools, they teach you how to deconstruct the passages for yourself, not really for interpretation or application, but for study of what is actually being said and why. They also mentioned using a more literal translation for actual Bible study which perhaps should be different than devotional or personal reading.
Enter the ESV - don't worry, I had another coupon. This is where my Bible reading has gotten difficult - it's so easy to passively read through The Message with a cup of tea and enjoy the story as you would any other work of fiction. But deconstructing the words within the verses within the chapters within the books is hard. Chris made a comment that you could spend an entire lifetime just studying the Bible - I didn't understand until now. Not only is this task hard, but it is exhausting - What does this verse say? Why was it written? What is the genre? Tone? Is there repetition in words used? What is the historical meaning of this word? Put all that in your pipe and smoke it. I can't even remember what book I read that first night with my ESV, but I do know that it is marked with a rainbow of colors - repeated words, repeated messages, allusions to future events or other books, etc.
Whew - last night I reopened my original Life Application Bible. What was once exhausting pales in comparison to an actual study of the fairly literal translation of the ESV. They aren't extremely different, and I made sure to compare the NIV to the ESV, but the differences only opened up a new can of worms and questions. I have concluded (even though my research hasn't ended) that perhaps none of this matters. There are many books on which translation is best, which to use or purchase (believe me, I've researched them), and I'm sure MANY people have their own opinion about which Bible is the "true" or "best" or "real" version. And that's all really great. Good for them. For me, I just keep praying for the discipline and strength to keep this daily time with God up. At the end of the day, I'm not sure (at least not yet anyway) that it matters which Bible you're reading but simply that you're taking the time to read one. That's really the hard part - setting aside the time everyday after a long day at work, family obligations, the daily routine of life - setting aside the time to be still and to listen. I like to think that God delights in this time that we devote to him, no matter which version we're reading.
I'm sure I'll add a few other versions to my collection, along with reference materials and other books, but for now, I let my day and my mood decide for me. Am I feeling inquisitive? Then I grab the Life Application and the Quest study Bibles. Am I feeling daring and bold? Then I study the ESV. Do I just need to unwind after a long day and read? Then I reach for The Message. They all contribute to my time with God - and that's really the whole point.
Friday, November 12, 2010
Jonah - My Dear Friend
It took me until now to come up with my second post - the first came so naturally: I knew my reasons for starting the blog, and I knew that I had something to say to introduce it, but since then, I've been waiting for something else to say. Like so many other mere humans, I too am grappling with the concept of faith - this is nothing new. In fact, so many people grapple with this concept that churches are packed on Sundays, Christian stores are thriving, and there are more kinds of Bibles available than ever before. Have you stepped inside a Christian bookstore lately to purchase a new Bible? If you haven't, I'm not sure I would recommend it. I've spent hours looking through the Bibles, the Christian living books, selections on marriage, love, Bible study, church building, etc. This doesn't include the time I've spent ONLINE researching texts and versions of the Bible. All to wrap my mind around the mystery of faith.
I figured that I needed to start reading before I posted again, and then let the reading simmer in my head for awhile - surely something worth blogging about would come to mind eventually. I must admit that my Bible reading over the past month has had little direction. Despite my good intentions to guide it in some meaningful way, I skip around A LOT. I blame all of the notes in my study Bibles, all the references to different passages, and my sheer curiosity to read everything. Of course I understand that what I have undertaken is a lifelong journey - one that cannot be quenched overnight with the complete reading of one text. The journey to faith in God is an everyday experience, a constant reading/processing/living/praying adventure. I try to be patient, but right now, my thirst is too great to be organized.
My husband mentioned Jonah and the whale in one of our philosophical discussions on faith - he grew up attending church but it's easy for me to forget that he can sometimes be a guide for my many questions about spirituality. When he mentioned Jonah, my mind skipped back to my childhood, sitting in some Sunday school class at some church (depending on which one we were attending that week or month) - yes, I remember: Jonah was swallowed by a whale and kept there. But since reading Jonah for the first time, I find myself coming back to him almost weekly. I even copied Jonah 2 so I could reflect on his prayer inside the great fish. It occured to me last night why Jonah has stuck with me these past weeks: I am Jonah.
Duh, right? While I'm sure this is not some great mystery, it only occured to me last night that Jonah is so relatable because I see myself in him and his struggle with faith. God requests that Jonah go to Nineveh to share the good news, and instead of going with no question (there are too many to mention who have gone in faith at God's calling) Jonah runs - I love that he runs to a ship that is headed in the opposite direction! Perhaps he honestly believes that God cannot find him, that God is not with him and knows exactly where he is and where he is headed, but he still flees. Sure enough, God follows, sending waves and storm around the ship. Of course Jonah is asleep - sleeping soundly during the storm - but his shipmates come and stir him: "Pray to your God! Maybe your God will see we're in trouble and rescue us!" Jonah ends up overboard, and his shipmates have been turned towards God, now praising His glory. Jonah's stubborness continues as he insists on simply sinking to the bottom of the ocean - he doesn't even offer to pray and repent to stop the storm - it is the fear and faith of his shipmates which cease the wind and waves. Again he assumes that God will let him go - and then he is swallowed by the great fish!
I have this great image of a cartoon whale from the 70s, with Jonah sitting pensively in the belly - perhaps this is a bit dramatic, or simply carryover from my childhood, but I imagine Jonah quite perturbed by God: "He just couldn't let me go could He? All I wanted to do was run away, and He found me! And now, despite my efforts otherwise, I am in the belly of a whale!" When I first read Jonah's prayer from deep in the belly of the whale, I really liked it - it spoke to me. Taken out of the context of the rest of the story, I think it's an excellent prayer and I wrote it out to use it in my own conversations with God. But when you relate it back to the story, I believe this prayer loses meaning - Jonah has fled from God, God has followed. Jonah has insisted on death in the sea, God saved him. So Jonah prays. I almost want to believe him, until the story continues. Jonah is released from the great fish, and finally goes to Ninevah. He spreads the word and the people come to God - amazing! And Jonah is PISSED! (Excuse the language, but seriously - pissed.)
Jonah is so angry with God for saving these people - how dare God save these worthless people! How dare God change his mind and forgive them! This anger is so present in all of us today - not only do we flee from God's calling on our lives, but we also feel angry when he is gracious towards others. What's more interesting is that Jonah didn't deserve God's grace any more than the sinners of Ninevah, but God's grace and love extends to all of His people, not just those who we believe to be the most worthy. I love Jonah's obviously absurd argument when yelling at God: "I knew you were sheer grace and mercy, not easily angered, rich in love, and ready at the drop of a hat to turn your plans of punishment into a program of forgiveness!" The God that Jonah describes really sounds awful doesn't he? I mean, just terrible. Why would any of us want to have a relationship with a God who is clearly crazy enough to love us that much?
Jonah finally becomes angry enough to die, his shade tree having been eaten by a worm - and God responds: "How is it that you can change your feelings from pleasure to anger overnight about a mere shade tree that you did nothing to get? You neither planted nor watered it." Wow - what wisdom. Like God's grace, we did nothing to get it. Through God's grace and love, and our faith in Him, our sins are forgiven. It is through God that this grace is given and nurtured - we had no part in securing it or earning it. Maybe more comical, God seems to almost be mocking Jonah's flippancy - his mood was altered by something as small as a shade tree - yet God's mood changed when the people of Ninevah's hearts were moved towards Him. How quick we are to forget our blessings.
I must admit that my head is spinning and has been since this occured to me last night - God is so good to us. Yet we run, we question, we argue, we fail to hear His calling in our life, and then we are foolish enough to get angry when he loves and shows mercy towards others. I thank God for chasing after us when we run, for having a purpose for each of us in this world, and for loving us despite our foolishness. I thank God for loving us when we are stubborn and unyielding, and for blessing us beyond belief.
Despite his attitude, Jonah's prayer is so poignant:
"In my distress I called to the Lord,
and he answered me.
From the depths of the grave I called for help,
and you listened to my cry.
You hurled me into the deep,
into the very heart of the seas,
and the currents swirled about me;
all your waves and breakers
swept over me.
I said, 'I have been banished
from your sight;
yet I will look again
toward your holy temple.'
The engulfing waters threatened me,
seaweed was wrapped around my head.
To the roots of the mountains I sank down;
the earth beneath me barred me forever.
But you brought my life up from the pit,
O Lord my God.
"When my life was ebbing away,
I remembered you, Lord,
and my prayer rose to you,
to your holy temple.
"Those who cling to worthless idols
forfeit the grace that could be theirs.
But I, with a song of thanksgiving,
will sacrifice to you.
What I have vowed I will make good.
Salvation comes from the Lord."
May we have the strength and courage to repeat these words with warm hearts, willing and able to go where God may lead us - no attitude, no anger. Just faith in Him. May we be eager to turn to God, just as Jonah's shipmates, and the people of Ninevah, and may we continue to learn from Jonah.
I figured that I needed to start reading before I posted again, and then let the reading simmer in my head for awhile - surely something worth blogging about would come to mind eventually. I must admit that my Bible reading over the past month has had little direction. Despite my good intentions to guide it in some meaningful way, I skip around A LOT. I blame all of the notes in my study Bibles, all the references to different passages, and my sheer curiosity to read everything. Of course I understand that what I have undertaken is a lifelong journey - one that cannot be quenched overnight with the complete reading of one text. The journey to faith in God is an everyday experience, a constant reading/processing/living/praying adventure. I try to be patient, but right now, my thirst is too great to be organized.
My husband mentioned Jonah and the whale in one of our philosophical discussions on faith - he grew up attending church but it's easy for me to forget that he can sometimes be a guide for my many questions about spirituality. When he mentioned Jonah, my mind skipped back to my childhood, sitting in some Sunday school class at some church (depending on which one we were attending that week or month) - yes, I remember: Jonah was swallowed by a whale and kept there. But since reading Jonah for the first time, I find myself coming back to him almost weekly. I even copied Jonah 2 so I could reflect on his prayer inside the great fish. It occured to me last night why Jonah has stuck with me these past weeks: I am Jonah.
Duh, right? While I'm sure this is not some great mystery, it only occured to me last night that Jonah is so relatable because I see myself in him and his struggle with faith. God requests that Jonah go to Nineveh to share the good news, and instead of going with no question (there are too many to mention who have gone in faith at God's calling) Jonah runs - I love that he runs to a ship that is headed in the opposite direction! Perhaps he honestly believes that God cannot find him, that God is not with him and knows exactly where he is and where he is headed, but he still flees. Sure enough, God follows, sending waves and storm around the ship. Of course Jonah is asleep - sleeping soundly during the storm - but his shipmates come and stir him: "Pray to your God! Maybe your God will see we're in trouble and rescue us!" Jonah ends up overboard, and his shipmates have been turned towards God, now praising His glory. Jonah's stubborness continues as he insists on simply sinking to the bottom of the ocean - he doesn't even offer to pray and repent to stop the storm - it is the fear and faith of his shipmates which cease the wind and waves. Again he assumes that God will let him go - and then he is swallowed by the great fish!
I have this great image of a cartoon whale from the 70s, with Jonah sitting pensively in the belly - perhaps this is a bit dramatic, or simply carryover from my childhood, but I imagine Jonah quite perturbed by God: "He just couldn't let me go could He? All I wanted to do was run away, and He found me! And now, despite my efforts otherwise, I am in the belly of a whale!" When I first read Jonah's prayer from deep in the belly of the whale, I really liked it - it spoke to me. Taken out of the context of the rest of the story, I think it's an excellent prayer and I wrote it out to use it in my own conversations with God. But when you relate it back to the story, I believe this prayer loses meaning - Jonah has fled from God, God has followed. Jonah has insisted on death in the sea, God saved him. So Jonah prays. I almost want to believe him, until the story continues. Jonah is released from the great fish, and finally goes to Ninevah. He spreads the word and the people come to God - amazing! And Jonah is PISSED! (Excuse the language, but seriously - pissed.)
Jonah is so angry with God for saving these people - how dare God save these worthless people! How dare God change his mind and forgive them! This anger is so present in all of us today - not only do we flee from God's calling on our lives, but we also feel angry when he is gracious towards others. What's more interesting is that Jonah didn't deserve God's grace any more than the sinners of Ninevah, but God's grace and love extends to all of His people, not just those who we believe to be the most worthy. I love Jonah's obviously absurd argument when yelling at God: "I knew you were sheer grace and mercy, not easily angered, rich in love, and ready at the drop of a hat to turn your plans of punishment into a program of forgiveness!" The God that Jonah describes really sounds awful doesn't he? I mean, just terrible. Why would any of us want to have a relationship with a God who is clearly crazy enough to love us that much?
Jonah finally becomes angry enough to die, his shade tree having been eaten by a worm - and God responds: "How is it that you can change your feelings from pleasure to anger overnight about a mere shade tree that you did nothing to get? You neither planted nor watered it." Wow - what wisdom. Like God's grace, we did nothing to get it. Through God's grace and love, and our faith in Him, our sins are forgiven. It is through God that this grace is given and nurtured - we had no part in securing it or earning it. Maybe more comical, God seems to almost be mocking Jonah's flippancy - his mood was altered by something as small as a shade tree - yet God's mood changed when the people of Ninevah's hearts were moved towards Him. How quick we are to forget our blessings.
I must admit that my head is spinning and has been since this occured to me last night - God is so good to us. Yet we run, we question, we argue, we fail to hear His calling in our life, and then we are foolish enough to get angry when he loves and shows mercy towards others. I thank God for chasing after us when we run, for having a purpose for each of us in this world, and for loving us despite our foolishness. I thank God for loving us when we are stubborn and unyielding, and for blessing us beyond belief.
Despite his attitude, Jonah's prayer is so poignant:
"In my distress I called to the Lord,
and he answered me.
From the depths of the grave I called for help,
and you listened to my cry.
You hurled me into the deep,
into the very heart of the seas,
and the currents swirled about me;
all your waves and breakers
swept over me.
I said, 'I have been banished
from your sight;
yet I will look again
toward your holy temple.'
The engulfing waters threatened me,
seaweed was wrapped around my head.
To the roots of the mountains I sank down;
the earth beneath me barred me forever.
But you brought my life up from the pit,
O Lord my God.
"When my life was ebbing away,
I remembered you, Lord,
and my prayer rose to you,
to your holy temple.
"Those who cling to worthless idols
forfeit the grace that could be theirs.
But I, with a song of thanksgiving,
will sacrifice to you.
What I have vowed I will make good.
Salvation comes from the Lord."
May we have the strength and courage to repeat these words with warm hearts, willing and able to go where God may lead us - no attitude, no anger. Just faith in Him. May we be eager to turn to God, just as Jonah's shipmates, and the people of Ninevah, and may we continue to learn from Jonah.
Saturday, October 16, 2010
What in the world is faith?!
Last year I purchased a Life Application Study Bible, a 5-pound mega-source of Christian information. A few weeks later I purchased the Solo devotional by Eugene Petersen - I blame the holidays for this sudden rush of religious enthusiasm, because as soon as the tree and lights were packed away, that Bible sat on my nightstand for 10 months until I finally dusted it off and started reading it. I had had other Bibles, but this one was to mark the turning of a new leaf, the beginning of my spiritual awakening. It soon became another item on my to-do list which was already overrun with work responsibilities and finding time to go to the gym. Steven Covey encourages everyone in The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People to "sharpen the saw," or simply to take care of yourself in four important ways: emotional, physical, intellectual and spiritual. After reading his book AND taking a self-assessment on how I was meeting this obligation, I learned that I was failing miserably in all areas. Slowly I began adding these things to my list: read 1 book per month; exercise 30 minutes per day; have dinner with a friend, etc. After a few weeks, I added a new to-do: Daily Devotional. This item truly brought fear to my brain - not only did I not have the time to do this "daily" devotional, but it just sort of lingered and stared at me from my planner - READ YOUR BIBLE!
I grew up attending a slew of different churches - Presbyterian, the country Baptist church in Luttrell, TN - I even won a watermelon seed spitting contest at VBS - a slew of places, but was never a regular attendee. Both of my parents, who are now divorced, despised church for all of the "hypocrites" who attended - I can recall numerous accounts of terrible people who claimed to be Christ-followers but were sadly flawed (and now I know, human). It didn't help that all the kids in school who went to church and claimed to be so holy were the same ones who made fun of the underpriveleged kids in school, which was a major mindtrip considering their claims of God and faith. So I stuck with my theory of karma - do right by others, live right, and good things come your way. God wasn't completely missing from this equation - he was the one watching over us.
Fast-forward to 2007 when I met the man who is now my husband. An avid church goer, Chris attended two church services every Sunday. Yes, two. Not just one - but TWO. He would willingly wake up early every Sunday to attend the 8:30 service at Church Street UMC and then go to Central UMC and sing in the choir. The thought of this made me confused - why would someone go to church in the first place, let alone two churches? One day Chris invited me to go with him, and I agreed, telling myself that I would just go and see how it went. I wouldn't judge or carry any preconceived notions with me, I would just go. It was Communion Sunday - I remember awkwardly passing up the bread and juice, with my arms crossed in clear discomfort. I also refused to sing along with the hymns - an act of defiance I suppose.
Fast-forward again to 2010: Chris and I were married last year (at Church Street in fact). I will on occasion attend the early service, but mostly attend at St. Paul UMC where Chris serves as music director. I even sing in his choir. This is a huge leap from where I began 3 years ago, and most recently has culminated in me dusting off that Bible I mentioned earlier. I didn't really have a plan, but just skipped around, reading whatever I found interesting. All of the textual notes helped to draw parallels between the books and verses, and before I knew it I was on a wild goose chase through the Bible.
In my hunt for this golden egg, it occured to me that I had no idea who I was looking for. A relationship with God? A greater understanding of God's work? Perhaps both - I hear people say they have a relationship with God or Jesus - what in the world does this mean? Jesus speeks to them - as a professional counselor this sounds more like dillusional thinking than reality. And this concept of faith: believing something with no proof! It's easy to see how this idea of finding spirituality can be a mindbender. So, the journey begins here. I've accumulated some tools to help me though, including a less intimidating, info-packed Bible:
1. NIV Quest Study Bible
2. NIV Life Application Study Bible
3. God: A Biography
4. Solo Devotional
5. 90 Days with the One and Only by Beth Moore
There are more to come, including a few texts about Buddhism, gnostic texts and other things. Let the search begin!
I grew up attending a slew of different churches - Presbyterian, the country Baptist church in Luttrell, TN - I even won a watermelon seed spitting contest at VBS - a slew of places, but was never a regular attendee. Both of my parents, who are now divorced, despised church for all of the "hypocrites" who attended - I can recall numerous accounts of terrible people who claimed to be Christ-followers but were sadly flawed (and now I know, human). It didn't help that all the kids in school who went to church and claimed to be so holy were the same ones who made fun of the underpriveleged kids in school, which was a major mindtrip considering their claims of God and faith. So I stuck with my theory of karma - do right by others, live right, and good things come your way. God wasn't completely missing from this equation - he was the one watching over us.
Fast-forward to 2007 when I met the man who is now my husband. An avid church goer, Chris attended two church services every Sunday. Yes, two. Not just one - but TWO. He would willingly wake up early every Sunday to attend the 8:30 service at Church Street UMC and then go to Central UMC and sing in the choir. The thought of this made me confused - why would someone go to church in the first place, let alone two churches? One day Chris invited me to go with him, and I agreed, telling myself that I would just go and see how it went. I wouldn't judge or carry any preconceived notions with me, I would just go. It was Communion Sunday - I remember awkwardly passing up the bread and juice, with my arms crossed in clear discomfort. I also refused to sing along with the hymns - an act of defiance I suppose.
Fast-forward again to 2010: Chris and I were married last year (at Church Street in fact). I will on occasion attend the early service, but mostly attend at St. Paul UMC where Chris serves as music director. I even sing in his choir. This is a huge leap from where I began 3 years ago, and most recently has culminated in me dusting off that Bible I mentioned earlier. I didn't really have a plan, but just skipped around, reading whatever I found interesting. All of the textual notes helped to draw parallels between the books and verses, and before I knew it I was on a wild goose chase through the Bible.
In my hunt for this golden egg, it occured to me that I had no idea who I was looking for. A relationship with God? A greater understanding of God's work? Perhaps both - I hear people say they have a relationship with God or Jesus - what in the world does this mean? Jesus speeks to them - as a professional counselor this sounds more like dillusional thinking than reality. And this concept of faith: believing something with no proof! It's easy to see how this idea of finding spirituality can be a mindbender. So, the journey begins here. I've accumulated some tools to help me though, including a less intimidating, info-packed Bible:
1. NIV Quest Study Bible
2. NIV Life Application Study Bible
3. God: A Biography
4. Solo Devotional
5. 90 Days with the One and Only by Beth Moore
There are more to come, including a few texts about Buddhism, gnostic texts and other things. Let the search begin!
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