Last year I purchased a Life Application Study Bible, a 5-pound mega-source of Christian information. A few weeks later I purchased the Solo devotional by Eugene Petersen - I blame the holidays for this sudden rush of religious enthusiasm, because as soon as the tree and lights were packed away, that Bible sat on my nightstand for 10 months until I finally dusted it off and started reading it. I had had other Bibles, but this one was to mark the turning of a new leaf, the beginning of my spiritual awakening. It soon became another item on my to-do list which was already overrun with work responsibilities and finding time to go to the gym. Steven Covey encourages everyone in The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People to "sharpen the saw," or simply to take care of yourself in four important ways: emotional, physical, intellectual and spiritual. After reading his book AND taking a self-assessment on how I was meeting this obligation, I learned that I was failing miserably in all areas. Slowly I began adding these things to my list: read 1 book per month; exercise 30 minutes per day; have dinner with a friend, etc. After a few weeks, I added a new to-do: Daily Devotional. This item truly brought fear to my brain - not only did I not have the time to do this "daily" devotional, but it just sort of lingered and stared at me from my planner - READ YOUR BIBLE!
I grew up attending a slew of different churches - Presbyterian, the country Baptist church in Luttrell, TN - I even won a watermelon seed spitting contest at VBS - a slew of places, but was never a regular attendee. Both of my parents, who are now divorced, despised church for all of the "hypocrites" who attended - I can recall numerous accounts of terrible people who claimed to be Christ-followers but were sadly flawed (and now I know, human). It didn't help that all the kids in school who went to church and claimed to be so holy were the same ones who made fun of the underpriveleged kids in school, which was a major mindtrip considering their claims of God and faith. So I stuck with my theory of karma - do right by others, live right, and good things come your way. God wasn't completely missing from this equation - he was the one watching over us.
Fast-forward to 2007 when I met the man who is now my husband. An avid church goer, Chris attended two church services every Sunday. Yes, two. Not just one - but TWO. He would willingly wake up early every Sunday to attend the 8:30 service at Church Street UMC and then go to Central UMC and sing in the choir. The thought of this made me confused - why would someone go to church in the first place, let alone two churches? One day Chris invited me to go with him, and I agreed, telling myself that I would just go and see how it went. I wouldn't judge or carry any preconceived notions with me, I would just go. It was Communion Sunday - I remember awkwardly passing up the bread and juice, with my arms crossed in clear discomfort. I also refused to sing along with the hymns - an act of defiance I suppose.
Fast-forward again to 2010: Chris and I were married last year (at Church Street in fact). I will on occasion attend the early service, but mostly attend at St. Paul UMC where Chris serves as music director. I even sing in his choir. This is a huge leap from where I began 3 years ago, and most recently has culminated in me dusting off that Bible I mentioned earlier. I didn't really have a plan, but just skipped around, reading whatever I found interesting. All of the textual notes helped to draw parallels between the books and verses, and before I knew it I was on a wild goose chase through the Bible.
In my hunt for this golden egg, it occured to me that I had no idea who I was looking for. A relationship with God? A greater understanding of God's work? Perhaps both - I hear people say they have a relationship with God or Jesus - what in the world does this mean? Jesus speeks to them - as a professional counselor this sounds more like dillusional thinking than reality. And this concept of faith: believing something with no proof! It's easy to see how this idea of finding spirituality can be a mindbender. So, the journey begins here. I've accumulated some tools to help me though, including a less intimidating, info-packed Bible:
1. NIV Quest Study Bible
2. NIV Life Application Study Bible
3. God: A Biography
4. Solo Devotional
5. 90 Days with the One and Only by Beth Moore
There are more to come, including a few texts about Buddhism, gnostic texts and other things. Let the search begin!
